When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. the dr (who late for the procedure) was talking to the nurses about the plane crash. My dad had surgery for a colon tumour 3 weeks ago at age 84, which has now been identified as NET. Are we there yet? The doctor started in. Last week, Dr. Stassen boldly went where few men have gone before. Whatever. Last year I wrote a series of articles on the ‘coping’ side of cancer, one of which was about still being able to have a laugh. Are we there yet? When this dad had to specify where his … Each Etsy seller helps contribute to a global marketplace of creative goods. ‘Ha ha,’ I said. This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. "What you in for"? I had known other folks who had the procedure at UM Hospital so that made me extra comfortable. I laughed out loud at this – maybe because I have yet to experience the joys of a colonoscopy! I have no idea. ‘Are we there yet? I would point out that after I went to the bathroom about 11:30 AM right before I went into the procedure, I had no more urges to go to the bathroom at all. Colonoscopy, Colonoscopy Story, Funny, Funny Colonoscopy Story, Funny Medical Story, funny story, Hilarious Story. Then we went home and changed and went to the football game at 7:30PM. The nurse asked me all the stock questions and that went fine. Inside the unit, I changed into my gown and went to the bathroom one more time – and yes it was that awesome clear yellow color. I was seriously nervous at this point. And doubly happy that the hospital has restrooms as soon as you walk out of the parking ramp and into the hospital. I loved this post and yes, I too chuckled out loud! Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. At Etsy, we pride ourselves on our global community of sellers. I can handle the pain but somehow I am scared of them (except of course when I am getting a tattoo). It was a great comeback. Free and Funny Confession Ecard: Anyone who's ever had a colonoscopy knows that even assholes have feelings Create and send your own custom Confession ecard. I am generally a pretty healthy guy and so I generally don’t spend much time in Doctor’s offices for myself. This is the light-hearted story of my first Colonoscopy. Hilarious Dave Barry column about colonoscopies, Colon Cancer Realities: Awareness, Prevention and Treatment, Obesity's Link to Higher Risk for Colon Cancer: What You Can Do, Wonders of Vitamin D Never Cease: Benefits for Colon Cancer. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’4. There was a really nice clinician who wanted to ask me some survey questions for a study they were doing. Teddy Wayne is the author of the novel Kapitoil, available from Harper Perennial. get a colonoscopy and find out. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Exxxx was very good, and I was already lying down. My doctor went through all the normal things and everything was fine and nothing had changed since my last physical in 2001. Enjoy! Really. By supporting BrooklynGreetingsCo, you’re supporting a small business, and, in turn, Etsy. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. I don’t look sick enough, sorry not sorry. I let out a couple of hushed yelps. 10. However, what I do vividly remember (and clearly so did he! They did not oblige. I was very nervous. Thank you once again for putting this on your blog. It was literally as if nothing had happened. They wheeled me into recovery where Teresa came in. At the time of the test I had been up for over 24 hours, and the anesthesia was a welcome deep sleep for me. He would get a kick out of this........his test IS tomorrow!! Duh!…“A serious breach of patient-doctor confidentiality, ” you say? In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. The background is that I seem to be experiencing the ‘opposite’ symptom to diarrhea, whereby (after the removal of most of my tumours, via 2/3 liver resection) Lanreotide focuses its rich capabilities on dissuading my normal movements from happening often at all! One time many years ago, I fainted after I stood up having blood drawn. I came across this real but anonymised journal which you may enjoy and hopefully have a little laugh too. Given the fluorescent lighting and low-quality security camera, it’s not the most flattering shot. In 2003 I had my first colonoscopy, and they found a tumor. So yesterday was my date for the Colonoscopy procedure at the University of Michigan Hospital. You would have no choice but to burn your house down. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. The put the drugs in my IV and in about 15 seconds, I said – “Things are a little out of focus” and then 5 seconds later I gently went to sleep. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like……………. So I laid there for what must have been 45 minutes all prepped and ready to go telling this story to folks over and over again. I shall see then whether I’ll be laughing. At 9PM on a Thursday they were resurfacing Cedar Street and in a pipelined fashion, they were grinding off a lane, cleaning it, and laying down new asphalt and then finishing the asphalt – all in a amazing dance that took about 500 yards of machinery. Really. But since we were running late, stopping was not in the cards. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. I slept through it. I figured to take it easy. Search Here For Some More Great Stories!! Then the receiving nurse came in and we had the same conversation. When I think back to some of the treatments I’ve had, I sometimes have a little laugh even although I wasn’t laughing at the time! One the way back to Lansing we stopped at the Secretary of State office to renew my plates (it is my birthday remember) since I had waited to the last minute for that as well. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there’. This was the first time they joked and mentioned the phrase “Doctor’s make the worst patients.” I went through the story of my concerns four times. But what if they found more? I get a physical every 10 years whether I need it or not and the results are (thankfully) the same. Let’s start with what happened after the test… After my Colonoscopy was finished they had to wake me up from the anesthesia. Search for: Follow My Blog via Email! Previous Getting The River Green for St. Patrick’s Day…Chicago Style! Given that I am in pretty good health and have no family history of cancer of any kind let alone colon cancer, I might have had a decent excuse to say “no thanks” and walk away. Everyone was laughing but me. At 9AM I felt confident enough to do some lifting and hauling and did an errand that took me about 45 minutes – no problem at all – by then the pace was slowing. If I do this next time, I might start the process at 11AM. We're here to help. Laying in the hospital bed looking out the window with nothing to do, I spent a lot of time thinking about Brent, his surgeries, and the fact that he is working through some tough issues. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Um, I think my brand-new iPhone might have a digital camera with zoom! So I switched to my cell phone and drove to the pharmacy to pick up my materials. She backed off, fixed me with a fearsome gaze and said that if I couldn't settle down, she'd stop, and I'd have to do all the prep another day. I believe this is a partial column and the list of 13 funny things patients ask their doctors during the procedure is from another writer. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. I had an IMS LTI teleconference at noon to talk about RDF and XML bindings when the prep was supposed to start. I slept through it. It was so awesome – I wish I could have had the whole video – you could see the folds and chambers of the inside of my colon – it was the coolest thing.